It’s fast paced. It’s superficial. It’s dirty. It’s competitive. But, I love it. The lifestyle is made for a certain type of person. And I think that’s why so many people move out to Los Angeles. Hoping to be that special person, hoping they have what it takes to make it in the city of [broken] dreams.
It’s been one month since I moved out to Los Angeles. One month ago, I sat on my fluffy white bed, wondering what I would be doing in one month. Would I be crying, wishing I were going home? Or would I be content, knowing that I was home? I didn’t know what would happen. People asked me if I was excited or scared, and I truly had no feelings- I just wanted everything to be okay, for everything to work out. I still have that lack of emotion, something I’m trying to work on, but I no longer have the doubt of whether or not this will all work out, I no longer care if it will. I’ve learned so much since I moved out on my own- all of the cheesy stuff that people say you learn when you go through a “life-changing” experience. Before moving I’ll admit it, I thought I knew it all, I thought I had gone through that experience and was done with learning about myself. But I’m glad to say I didn’t know it all, I still don’t, and I don’t think I want to know.
Thinking back to a year ago, things were a lot different. During this week, I was going through the process of withdrawing from my university. I blocked out a lot of those memories, thinking that if I “didn’t remember” them, then they didn’t happen. But I do remember them. I haven’t thought about them, but they are still there, it still happened. I remember walking to the farthest edge of the campus- the part that if it were an elementary school, the yard duty would blow her whistle before you got too close, but it wasn’t an elementary school, and there was no authority to stop me- I could keep walking.
So here I am, a year later, no longer in school, now living in LA. It’s been a month. And I’ve sat here for a while, trying to figure out what to say, trying to figure out how to summarize my last month’s experiences. It’s been okay. And when I say “okay”, I mean it’s been good. I mean that it’s been an experience I wouldn’t change for the world- and whether it ends up working out and I become an extremely “successful” person, or if it doesn’t work out and I end up back at home, this all has been okay. Because had I not moved out to Los Angeles one month ago, there are so many things I would have missed out on, so many people I never would have met, so many memories I wouldn’t have. And all of that is good. There will be highs and lows in whatever you do, and that’s all okay, that’s a part of the process. And the lows have been bad, but life has kept going, it’s all been okay. I’ve learned to keep going, no matter what. Just because one thing doesn’t work out doesn’t mean the whole world’s going to end, because I hate to break it to you, but there are 8 billion other people on this planet- and just because one person has a bad day, doesn’t mean it’s all going to end- you don’t matter that much [sorry, but it’s true].
Sitting here, I still don’t know what to write. Now I’m trying to summarize my last month’s experiences, and trying to summarize this very incoherent post. But I don’t think I want to do either. I’ve learned a lot, and maybe at some point I’ll be able to write out an actual in depth description of how I’ve grown from all this, but right now I’m still learning. Just like this blog post, my life is still just a bunch of pieces, somehow related, that I’m trying to figure out how and why they relate. And instead of trying to make sense of complete nonsense right now, I’m just going to be done. Maybe I’ll do more update posts, trying to understand everything that’s going on, but until then, I love y’all ❤